Three weeks ago we took in a beautiful rescue dog from Romania. I’ve wanted a dog for a long time and promised myself that it would happen when I got a permanent job. As Sara Pascoe said in a show I was lucky enough to see, “I feel my whole life is waiting to be grown up enough to have a dog”. Well I gave up waiting for a permanent job!

Sadly, it has been a disaster from the moment we met! He was scared and aggressive – and bundled into the back of our hire car with instructions to keep my face away from him snapping. We named him Red, because he’s beautiful but also a little dangerous. Nearly two weeks later, he’s eating from my hand, and curious where I am as I move around the flat – but still no touchy touchy, so he remains naked. Without a harness we can’t take him outside. He’s stressed and paces the flat. This picture shows a more successful attempt at getting a lead on him, but he gets out of this quite easily – a hardcore harness is required!

I plead with my husband that we carry him in his cage to a small enclosed garden. We let him out but it becomes apparent why my husband was hesitant as Red does not come in until 12 hours later. He stayed out through a thunderstorm, and I stay up all night, waiting for him to be tired, hungry, and wet enough to come back inside. And here he is, very sad to have lost the battle of the wills. When it comes to tenacity, don’t take on an academic!

Going into week three, and a dog behaviourist tries to get a harness on him. He snaps and lunges at her. On the advice of the behaviourist, the next day we go to the vet with a video of Red. The vet prescribes some sedatives – the aim is to knock out Red, get a harness on him, and then over the coming days, weeks, months, years, whatever, lead him to the garden. Now here’s the maths!

When will he relax!?

We’re given Acepromazine, a sedative which has a half life of 15.9 hours in dogs. The vet told us that it should start wearing off after four hours, which is the same as online advice. So we can assume that whatever drug concentration is in the dogs system after four hours, it is not enough to have an effect. But what effect does one want? The recommend dose for a dog of Red’s size (20kg) ranges between 10 mg and 44 mg. Assuming exponential decay, the concentration of Acepromazine in Red decays over 48 hours like so.

I assume 10 mg, the bottom of the blue, would chill Red out a bit. The top end, 44 mg is to totally knock him out. The dashed red line is the maximum dosage. Based on the notion that the main effect is within the first four hours, the dashed orange line indicates the minimum required concentration for the “knock ’em out” dose. The dashed yellow line indicates the minimum required concentration for the “chill out Man” dose.

We initially gave Red 20 mg and wait the recommended 45 minutes. He was dozy and chilled, but not knocked out and not yet safe to touch. We give another 10 mg and wait another 45 minutes. Still not safe to approach. And so yes, another 10 mg. By now he is losing body coordination. We try to put a muzzle on him but he fights us. We use towels and gloves to over power him. But I don’t know how,  he finds the strength to squirm and fight us off. The poor boy thinks he’s fighting for his life. He also releases a terrible smell! So we give him the last tablet. By now the first two are wearing off so it’s still within the safe limits.

But sadly, Red is too wild. His fear of being touched is too great and we do not manage to get a harness on him. He is exhausted but ready to fight and snap at us. So this beautiful boy will go back to the rescue shelter where I hope they find him a home with a garden and other dogs. He will live a happier life where he has more space and friends who understand him better than we do!

This morning Red is not scared of us, but willing to approach us for food. Why I wonder!? So I calculate the drug dosage in his body. Ah yes, at 9am, he has about 20 mg in his body. He’s still a bit chilled!

Coffee

Let’s relate this to the important matter of humans and coffee. Caffeine has a half life of around 5.5 hours. Suppose you have two cups of coffee at 6 am (who wouldn’t need two cups at that time?!), then one an hour later at 7, another at 8 and another at 9am. After these five cups you do not drink coffee for the rest of the day, which may be wise because this high intake is the equivalent of having one cup of coffee at around 7pm. As someone who can be prone to insomnia, this seems like self-harm to me!